Emergency Medical Slobs

You've all seen them. Shirt unbuttoned, t-shirt stretched out with the lapel mic, mustard stains, boots [un-tied, unzipped, un-laced], unshaven, unbathed...the list goes on.

Sometimes you'll see them in line at the Dunkin' Donuts. Sometimes at the ED charge desk. Sometimes sitting on the diamond plate of their [emergency response vehicle], smoking a cigarette. Looking like dogshit.

There is not a valid excuse that any of you creative writers could come up with for these people looking the way they do. I don't give a damn if they're on the back-slope of a 48 hour shift, I don't care if they just worked a code for 48 minutes, I don't care if the ambient temperature is 127 degrees Fahrenheit, and it's even hotter in the back of the [emergency response vehicle].

Don't get me wrong, if you're on scene for a prolonged extrication, I understand if your shirt comes untucked. I won't hold it against you if you're actively doing push-ups on the 350lb, 3 decker carry-down code, and you look a little 'tousled". If it's late one prom night, and you just got painted with the baked ziti and rubber chicken, mixed with a little Mike's Hard Lemonade and bottom shelf tequila, I understand.

But that's not the case.

At 0715 the other morning, I witnessed your stereotypical stretcher-slinging mule. I use derogatory terms to refer to this individual because that's the image they conveyed. Individual weighed in at a modest 300lbs. Shirt untucked, unbuttoned. Pants wrinkled, no belt, and dipping below the waistline. There is no reason to look like this coming out of Dunkin' Donuts at 0715. I know full-well that this particular [emergency vehicle] was going to a local post/detail assignment. Anyone wanna chime in with some possible reasons for looking like that?

I take pride in my appearance. It's how I was brought up. It's my background. It's one of my calling cards. There are times where I look a little disheveled, but only in the middle of a call.

-If you have time to light a cigarette, you have time to tuck your shirt in.
-Unbuttoned shirts DO NOT have a slimming effect, lardass.
-Wear a belt. There is nothing professional about plumber's crack, or a drag-chute.
-Laces and zippers are devices to fasten footwear to your feet, use them. If they're broken, replace them.
-You don't HAVE to shine your boots, but at least attempt to maintain their intended color. Scuffed up boots don't make you "salty", "experienced", or "old school".
-Your shirtfront is not a napkin.
-If you have holes in any part of your uniform, replace that component.
-T-Shirts stretch. Do not hang things from the neck of your t-shirt. No one wants to see your nipples through your neck hole.

Every single EMT or Paramedic has heard co-workers lambast (verbally of course) "newbies", "wackers", and "sparkies" for trying too hard to "look the part". They ridicule Bat-Belts, wacker pouches, and the habit of carrying too much gear. However, never has an over-enthusiastic trainee detracted from our professional image simply because they have 2 sets of trauma shears (...and a flashlight, and a rappeling harness, and a gas-mask...but I digress). It's not often enough that a fellow EMS worker makes a comment, pulls aside, or outright embarasses someone for looking like Roseanne's husband Dan in an EMS uniform.

But you're right. Calling the [emergency response vehicle] by a slang term is what truly detracts from our professional image. After all, REAL bus drivers would never look this sloppy.

David Bowers wrote an article back in '05, just saying.